Journals of a Trainee Alchemist
by Werepuppy Black
Summary: AU S4. Robin Branagh returns to Vlad's company, to train with Renfield and become an alchemist. Yes, someone thought it was a good idea to give him chemicals. His trials and time training are recorded thusly.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Based on conversation with dear Aytheria, I present my AU of S4

* * *

**The Journals of a Trainee Alchemist  
Chapter 1**

Robin's arrival was without fanfare. Mostly. He wanted some fanfare, but Vlad said they couldn't have one. No, not even a really little one that could only be heard by them. Robin just figured Vlad was out to spoil his fun. It had been roughly coming up for four years since the two best friends had seen each other, and Robin was a little apprehensive about it all. It wasn't every day that you work up, had your memories restored, and realised that your best friend was now effectively the Vampire King did tend to make things a little more... awkward than they had been.

But that wasn't exactly why Robin was moving in - and no, the Count didn't know about that little bit. Bertrand did, Robin had spoken to him on the phone about it, and Renfield did. Yeah, Renfield knew because Renfield had to know. Robin hadn't entirely forgotten his aim to become an alchemist during the time of the mind wipe having instead gotten really good at science in general as a sort of outlet for this aim. Now that his memory was back, and he'd finished school, well his Mum and Dad had been only too pleased to hear about how he'd won a private scholarship to be personally tutored by a great chemist. They didn't need to pay any fees? Of course they were going to be overjoyed; Chloe's early entrance to uni was going to cost them a small fortune what with the fee increase, and they had been so worried about what Robin's future would hold.

Robin didn't worry. He was going to be an alchemist. One of the very best. Bertrand had come to their house in Stokley, posing as the great tutor's PA, giving over the 'details' of the arrangement, and how it would probably lead to a good job within political circles. Bertrand was really good at spinning the truth in a way that made breathers not question any of it. And yes, Robin did think of his parents as breathers occasionally; he wasn't entirely as vampire obsessed as he once was, but he still held a hope of his best friend turning him one day.

"The sun sets, and he arrives,・Vlad smirked over from his position at the door to Robin. "Ready for this?"

Robin grinned widely. "Always."

* * *

"So, you'd be the famous Robin I keep hearing about," Erin held out a hand, smiling at the Goth boy who entered the room with Vlad. He was taller than her boyfriend - not that being taller than him was a particular achievement around these parts - and almost as pale. He gave a wide grin of his own, taking her hand and she was shocked to find the hand that took hers was warm. She had been expecting it, just from looking at him, to be as ice cold as Vlad's.

"That's me," she hadn't expected the thick Welsh accent either. Robin's grin was cheerful, and friendly, and it wasn't really hard for Erin to tell why a younger Vlad might attach himself to such an open personality. "So, you're a Slayer," Robin said, turning round to look at Vlad. "Shouldn't have shown you Buffy, mate, if I knew you were gonna run out and get your own Slayer girl." … There were worse things in the world than being compared to Buffy, Erin reasoned, even if it did remind her of Ryan's teasing at the hair dye job.

"Robin," Vlad rolled his eyes, lightly punching his friend on the shoulder. The grin was unmistakable though, and Erin couldn't help but smile herself to see it. Ever since, well, things happened, and it felt like it had been a good long while since she had seen Vlad smiling so easily. It was a sight that she liked seeing though, and she couldn't help but be grateful to this newcomer who could bring it out of Vlad so easily. Even if there was a tiny pang of jealously that he could do it when she couldn't, but that was to be expected. Vlad turned, and nudged Robin with his shoulder."Come on," he said, "we'll get you set up in a coffin room."

"I get a coffin?" was Robin's immediate response. A grin that threatened to split his face in half appeared. "Cool!"

Laughing, Erin followed behind the two boys as they made their way up to the Dracula quarters. Okay, so he was a vampire geek. Erin could deal with that.

* * *

Setting up his few pre-bought alchemist items in Renfield's work space didn't take Robin all that long. Alchemists, Bertrand had informed him, didn't set much stock by new items until they'd survived a couple of explosions. Robin thought this made surprising amount of sense, as he remembered that one time in Chemistry when he'd managed to accidentally create TNT and blew the bottom out of test tube he was using. The school didn't believe it was an accident, and he'd had to pay for a new set. Test tubes, Robin noted, were kind of expensive for how crappily made they were.

"Alright, Renfield," he grinned at the drooling drudge who was now his tutor in the darkest chemical arts.

"Oh, it's you," Renfield said. "I thought you were dead." He moved about the work space with little regard for Robin actually being there. Robin's face fell, just for a moment, before the grin reappeared.

"Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated," he said, with a mock look of seriousness. Renfield gave him a blank look in response, and Robin rolled his eyes, shoving his hands into his pockets. "So, tutoring me to be a great alchemist," he tried, grinning once more. "I bet you were overjoyed to hear about it."

"Not particularly," said Renfield. He busied himself with meaningless busy work, or at least that's how it appeared to be from Robin's point of view. "Listen, Robert," Renfield seemed to be being deliberately forgetful and Robin promised himself he wouldn't rise to it. He'd just spike his coffee with sugar later on. "Would you mind pushing off," Renfield said, "only I've got to get the Master's dinner ready. It's a special treat tonight. Crunchy cockroach in cream," he gave that disgusting grin that Robin always tended to see in unpleasant dreams, "his favourite."

"Nice to see your cooking hasn't improved any," Robin muttered as he left the work space. It was reassuring, really, to see that Renfield would always be Renfield.

* * *

"Oh, great," Ingrid said on seeing the new arrival. "Who shifted the rock to find him again?" she eyed Robin with a distaste that only she could manage. "The whole stinkin' litter will show up soon," she added in an angry snap, storming off. "I've got to work on the blood bank tonight, he had better not interrupt me." She stormed off. Vlad and Robin exchanged glances.

"She's still mad about me then," Robin commented.

"Well," Vlad corrected, "you still drive her mad."

"Same difference," Robin looked down the corridor in the direction Ingrid had left. Then he frowned. "Blood bank?" Vlad gave a small smile, more of a grimace really, and a shrug.

"Did I mention the treaty?" Robin stared. "Well, it's in place now." Vlad continued, as Robin continued to stare at him. "No biting for vampires, and no slaying for, well, slayers," Vlad gave a shrug, as if only realising at that moment how redundant the sentence sounded when spoken aloud. "So we've set up blood banks to feed hungry vampires," he gave another small shrug. "They seem to be pretty popular so far." Robin continued to stare. "What?" said Vlad, feeling uncomfortable. Robin sighed.

"You really take the fun out of being a vampire."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

One thing that training as an alchemist taught Robin, the smell of the material you were working with stuck quickly. Which was usually the reason as to why alchemists were safe from vampire fangs. He didn't mind, he was getting up to his elbows in blood, and guts, and... Okay, so actually there was very little blood and guts involved in non-dark alchemy. Well, there was a little bit of blood involved in non-dark alchemy, but not exactly enough to get up to your elbows in it. Robin had planned on arguing false advertising until Vlad reminded him that no one had advertised being an alchemist as a possible career to him. Sometimes, logic was just not Robin's friend.

"I don't see why you don't just bite her and get it over with!" the Count and Vlad were arguing, again, and Robin pulled up the notebook he was trying to study from, hiding the fact that he was eavesdropping easily into their loud conversation. Well, best to pretend to be innocent until it was obvious otherwise. It kept his throat in the right place a while longer, which was all Robin was aiming for in life when it came down to it. "A vampire and a breather... it's unnatural!" the Count continued, glaring down at his son and heir with a look that didn't really match the annoyance in his tone. "This isn't one of those ridiculous breather romance novels, Vladdy!"

"_You_ like those ridiculous breather romance novels," Vlad shot back, storming across the room to sit beside Robin on the couch. "The ones with the apple on the cover?" he said, the Count pretending as though he was entirely ignorant as to what Vlad meant. "I heard you asking Renfield to go to Waterstones to get you your own copies, so you didn't need to keep borrowing them from the confiscation box." Robin looked up, seeing no reason to pretend he wasn't listening anymore.

"Chloe likes those books," he said, pulling a face. "Don't know why, they don't seem like proper vampires to me." Then he remembered who he was sitting besides. "Apart from the blood thing, that's good vampire behaviour, right?"

"Nice save," Vlad commented. Robin gave a grin, to which Vlad rolled his eyes in response, before turning his attention back to his Dad. "I'm not turning Erin," he said, with an air of finality. It wouldn't be the end of the subject, they'd had this discussion far too often lately, and frankly Robin was sick of hearing it.

"Of course you're not," Robin chimed in his support, much to Vlad's surprise. He would have thought that Robin would have been on his Dad's side in all of this. "You've got to turn me before her," And any surprise Vlad had immediately fell away. He should have known. "I've known you longer," to Robin this was the best argument for turning out there. Vlad gave him a look.

"I'm not turning anyone." The Count threw his hands up in the air in frustration, and stormed away, muttering about how his son had no respect for the proper way of doing things. Robin just gave his friend a steady look.

"Vlad," he said, "stop killing dreams."

* * *

"There's reports coming in," Bertrand made his way into the training room, throwing on his greatcoat as he did so. "A gang of street fangs are looking to break the treaty, and there's slayers out there with itchy stake hands." Vlad stood automatically, as did Erin, though Robin noticed the latter shooting Bertrand some suspicious looks. He wondered why exactly, after all, he could remember the phone call from a barely-holding-back tears Vlad who was upset because his girlfriend had been lying to him for months. Maybe something else had happened. Somehow, Robin doubted it.

"Where did you hear about this?" Vlad was suspicious as well. Robin shot him a look, that was unnoticed. Pity. They needed to have a word about this. He couldn't go around holding grudges over one events; it would probably cause him problems in the long run. Besides which, he let Ingrid get away with far worse on a regular basis and they were still on pretty good terms by Robin's reckoning. Bertrand also noticed the suspicious nature, though it wasn't as if he could miss it exactly, and a brief look of annoyance crossed over his features, for which Robin didn't blame him one bit. "Can't blame me for asking," Vlad shot at him.

Robin didn't point out that actually, they could. Best to keep quiet on _this_ particular tiff between the Chosen One and his tutor, at least.

"From me, hey Robin," Jonno said as he entered the room. He was strapping a stake to his tool belt that seemed to be standard slayer kit, and Robin wondered why it didn't look nearly as cool as Batman's utility belt. "We got slayers on our radar leaving their assigned patrol path," Jonno added in as an explanation to the others, "there's only one reason they would do that." There was a pause, as Jonno looked around the room. "It's not far, if we hurry..."

"We can get there before a blood-bath starts," Vlad finished, grabbing his leather coat from where he had tossed it over the back of the couch. Erin stood behind him, sharing his concerned look which Vlad quickly fixed into a more business like image. Erin's visage turned grim when he did so. Robin stood, rolling his eyes, but doing his best not to seem worried at all by the situation.

"I'll prepare a tester kit," he offered, moving to leave the room and head towards the alchemist work space. "Not that you'll need it, but better safe than sorry, yeah?" Jonno stepped forward and stopped him, shaking his head.

"Any testing will be done at Slayer Headquarters." Off Robin's slightly offended look, Jonno offered an apologetic shrug. "Sorry, mate," he said, "but it's part of the treaty. Slayers need to look out for their own," he offered as an explanation. Robin rolled his eyes. It wasn't really much of one, all things considered. "Plus the Guild Leaders might accuse you of falsifying the results." Ah, now that sounded more like the actual explanation. Robin gave an irritated snort.

"I'll prepare the kit anyway," he said, "just in case."


	3. Chapter 3

"Malik?" Robin's voice was curious and incredulous at the same time. "What is it with vampires and really old fashioned names?" he muttered to himself, dropping some liquid into the mixture in the small glass before him. "Right, try this," he slid the glass over to Bertrand with a hopeful look on his face. "Mixture 15, I'm hoping I've gotten rid of the wheaty aftertaste but," he trailed off, shrugging slightly. Bertrand nodded and picked up the glass, sniffing at it first.

"Well, it smells better than Mixture 14," he told Robin. Mixture 14 had really been a disaster, and the burning feeling in his nose Bertrand had after sniffing it made him not even want to taste test it. He sipped at this glass, swilling the liquid round in his mouth before swallowing. There was a pause. "It's tasteless," he said, looking down into the glass as though checking to make sure he had actually drank the contents of it. Yes, the glass was empty, and yet there was no taste at all in his mouth. He placed the glass down. Robin groaned.

"Vlad wants this soy blood soon," he knocked his head off the table, grabbing his notebook and glaring at the notes he had made for Mixture 15. He picked up a pencil and began scribbling over some of the notes he had so painstakingly recorded, scowling as he did so. "It's not my fault that trying to replicate blood is really bloody hard." Bertrand lifted his eyebrows, looking over and Robin paused, "pun not intended " Bertrand nodded, and smirked. "It's just, I want to help him, but it's not like I can create Tru Blood first time."

"True Blood?" Bertrand looked confused.

"... I am getting a television up here, and cable," Robin said after staring foor a moment. How they had managed to miss out on such recent pop culture when the Count was reading the _Twilight_ novels, he had no idea, but he was damned if he was going to let those books be their only exposure to the modern world's take on the ancient vampire. He shook his head, and continued to look down at the notes. "So," he said causally, "I noticed you had to use the kit."

"Malik's gang are... very enthusiastic " Bertrand gave as an explanation. "Vlad's gone out on patrol to see if there's any other stray biters going around tonight," he paused, finger poking at the glass in front of him. "Erin has gone with him."

"Oh. Right." Robin's nose wrinkled slightly. "She's alright. Erin." He said, tapping the end of the pencil off of the page in front of him. Bertrand just looked. He was fairly certain he hadn't asked Robin's opinion on the Chosen One's girlfriend, but apparently the Breather was going to tell him anyway. He bit back the sigh. This is what came of penance. He was trying to play nice with the breathers Vlad considered important, and prove his loyalty and now they thought of him as a _friend_. "It's just, she's very," the breather boy stopped again. "I don't know, ignore me. Vlad must like her. He spends all his time with her." Bertrand wasn't imagining the bitterness in that tone, he was sure of that.

"You don't like her." It was a question as much as it was a statement. Robin shook his head.

"No, that's not it," he said very quickly. "It's just," he paused, biting on his bottom lip. "She's always around. Me mam would say that it was bad for a relationship, to be around each other so much." There was something unexplainable in Robin's tone, but what with it being unexplainable, Bertrand couldn't work out quite what it was. "I just don... It's nothing, just me imagining the worst." Somehow, Bertrand got the feeling that it was something, but he wasn't going to press. It wasn't like he was actually friends with the breather.

* * *

Malik's arrival at the blood bank made Robin, well, a little jealous actually. "Oh man," he said, "that is such a cool coat." Vlad turned, giving him a look. "What?" Vlad continued to give the look. "Oh come on," Robin protested, "it's a cool jacket, that's all. Doesn't mean I think he's being a proper vampire, or what a vampire should be if someone didn't insist on all these rules..."

"Shut up, Robin."

"You know I'm right." Robin countered, with a cheeky smirk wide on his face. Vlad rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but grin back at his friend.

"That'd be why I'm telling you to shut up," he replied. "Malik's a dangerous element," Vlad continued, explaining in as clear a tone as he could manage. "He's a rebel without a cause, and he doesn't play by the rules." For a minute, Robin thought Vlad was describing a character in some 1980s teen comedy. Possibly by John Hughes. The type his little sister Chloe really liked. … He only watched them when he was sick with the flu and he couldn't quite get up to watching his gore fest movies. "If others decide to follow him..."

"Then your truce goes in the bin without anyone even having looked at it properly," Robin finished Vlad's sentence without a second thought. In unison, both boys folded their arms over their chests, and leant back against the wall behind him. "Reality sucks," Robin summed up, after a few moment's quiet contemplation of the matter. Vlad nodded.

"It does when you're a vampire."

"Does when you're an alchemist."


End file.
